The Sum May Be Greater Than The Parts - Nature vs Chemsitry

Over the years I’ve straddled the fence between pragmatic science versus subtle holistic wellness methods. It seems like you can only belong in one camp or the other. For the most part — they are at odds with one another. That dichotomy seems to be a shame and awfully limiting. In the area of medicinal drugs and psychopharmacology, hard science struggles with the placebo effect. The limits of science can’t explain the peculiar, often times equal, efficacy of sugar pills. But, you can’t patent a sugar pill. You can’t make money from things that aren’t patented.

In the drug world, finding what works and isolating it; making it purer, stronger, longer lasting and more effective is the drive behind the goal of “improvement.” In the process, all the things that might have existed in a natural state are either relatively or completely eliminated. Nature’s grand design that once included local artifacts, inactive buffers, or seemingly meaningless constituents are discarded as not relevant to the purification goal.

Why does almost every psychotropic drug that is offered have unintended effects almost identical to the symptoms that are trying to be medicated? Almost every culture has long standing remedies for aliments. Those remedies stood the test of time and crossed over many unexpected cultural lines. Those natural remedies might note have been extremely potent, or patentable, or easy to handle, or store… but they typically didn’t come with a host of parallel symptomology to what was trying to be cured.

It would be interesting if portions of big pharma budget could consistently go toward research targeting natural, folk based remedies. There is no corporate gain or profit in it; so, it won’t happen. I wonder what the outcome of rigid research would be that focused on finding natural, effective, affordable solutions to symptom resolution and cures. I bet that in a lot of situations, natural or homeopathic remedies might fair as well as pharmaceuticals especially when taking into account adverse reactions and unintended effects. Especially if the study replaced the sugar pill placebo with a non-lab based alternative and then looked at efficacy.

What nature has to offer may show that the sum may be greater than the parts.

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Wishing Wellness YouTube Videos

Our YouTube channel is now up and running! We have two videos posted. Video 1 describes a great breathing technique to help with a variety of issues such as anxiety, anger, impulsiveness, stress...The other video describes the impact of stress on the nervous system and how to help improve the stress response. If you like the videos - you can subscribe so you don;t miss out on future posts. Here is the link.

Orgasms and Treacherous Toys - Improving Sexual Health

At Wishing Wellness, in my role as a licensed mental health counselor, I provide several specialty counseling services - one of those services is sex therapy for individuals and couples. Over the years, I have had similar discussions with numerous clients and couples as we worked through issues regarding sexual functioning and relationship issues. In a previous blog post, I talked generally about sexuality and intimacy in relationships. This article is more targeted and explains some thoughts about a specific situation in the ability to orgasm, or issues with changes in ability to orgasm. Even though I use females as an example (because it seems as though this specific issue impacts females more than males) the information can certainly equally apply to males. While there are many reasons why a person may have difficulty achieving orgasm, this article is only addressing the specific issue of "sex toys" and how the use of certain toys may inadvertently complicate achieving orgasm. This article includes generalizations and the information may not apply to specific people in specific situations.

In healthy situations, orgasm is an often desired end result of sexual arousal. Although a very natural process, human sexual arousal is a pretty complicated process. The act of becoming sexually aroused may be enhanced or frustrated by factors such as physical health, nutrition, stress, thoughts, emotions, mind set and setting, medications, time of day, hormones, past sexual experience, abuse or religious views. Almost anything can help or hinder our ability to be "in the mood" and become aroused.

In some particular situations, for a variety of reasons (including the simple passage of time), sexual intimacy with oneself or a partner may become "routine." What had previously been considered a "normal" sex life with typical orgasmic outcomes starts to shift and become more complicated and frustrating. This can lead to a cycle of emotions and thoughts which further complicates the process of intimacy and orgasmic outcomes.

It is a physiological feature of humans to adapt and adjust to sexual stimulation and arousal - just as it is with any other sensation or stimuli. A protective feature of our biology is to habituate to stimuli. Habituating means that over some period of time, we become less sensitive to things that once may have caused a previously heightened amount of stimulation. This includes lighting, sounds, smells, touch, responses and responses to stress. While not an uplifting example, the habituation concept is readily apparent when we think about drug addiction and the affects of drug ingestion and tolerance levels. Habituation, a primitive survival mechanism, can lead to a lessened degree of responsiveness to bad, or good stimulation, such as sexual arousal.

In some cases, as sexual arousal takes a downward turn, individuals and couples turn toward a variety of things to bring back the arousal. Different positions, places, clothing, fetishes, partners... TOYS. Sex toys certainly can have a place in helping a person's sex life. In some situations, toys can be prescribed to help a person discover their sexuality and orgasmic potential. However, in some situations, relying on toys can have an unanticipated outcome - that is what this article is about.

As I mentioned, over the years I have seen a common theme regarding a specific situation and scenario. A couple comes in for counseling and they are frustrated, hurt and unhappy with their sex life; which almost always started out great (or at least good). Now, the sex life has deteriorated to the point that the couple is considering breaking up. This almost always has to do with one, or both, of the partners, not being able to achieve orgasm anymore. Or, if they can achieve orgasm, it almost seems like a chore to get to that point. What once came easily (pun intended) is now a point of contention and frustration.

In an effort to make things better and "spice things up" people often turn to sex toys. For some couples, sex toys are a great addition to sexual activity and enhance sexual arousal.  Examples of helpful sex toys might be passive g-spot stimulators, sexy outfits, passive dildos or Yoni eggs. However, a frequent option which might require more thought, is use of an electric or battery operated vibrator or dildo.

Artificially operated vibrating devices can have a long-term unintended negative impact on orgasmic potential, especially in a couples setting. Assuming a person has previously had orgasms and the orgasmic potential is now simply lessened or harder to achieve, turning to vibratory stimulation may exacerbate or worsen the long-term potential to achieve non-vibratory orgasms. Additionally, over time, it will almost always be true that the vibratory stimulation becomes ineffective.

In situations where pre-orgasmic arousal levels are not naturally obtained, and a person turns to artificial vibratory stimulation for the arousal, the body will eventually get to a point where clitoral or vaginal desensitization occurs. This sets up a cycle that leads to longer time required with the vibratory stimulation and even greater subsequent desensitization. Pretty soon, batteries have to be bought in bulk! The clitoris (penis) and the nervous system will become habituated to the stimulation and orgasms will become more and more difficult to achieve. The cycle may worsen to a point where orgasms are almost impossible to achieve with human touch, oral stimulation or penetration. At first, vibratory stimulation might get the desired result - but in many cases I've seen, the end result is disappointment and alienation in a relationship because technology has replaced intimacy and human stimulation has become ineffective. In worst case couples' scenarios, because of the habituation issue and lack of arousal, people may get a temporary boost of arousal by seeking a new partner for excitement. The novelty of the new situation or new person brings back some initial sexual arousal potential - but very often, the long-term end result is the same; disappointment.

The good news is that in a majority of cases, the Big-O is not lost - just more elusive. A scenario such as this can almost always be helped - but it takes time to reconnect and reset the body's stimulation responses. Here are some ideas:

• understand that arousal levels normally fluctuate     
• together with their partner, people need changes and variety to maintain arousal & stimulation 
• it is normal that over time, it takes longer to achieve previously obtained arousal levels
• sexual teasing, deferment and delay, build up arousal levels & intensity
• reestablish "normal" clitoral (penile) and vaginal sensitivity levels by avoiding intense stimulation from vibratory devices            
• eliminate distractions - stress, drugs, time pressure, arguments, kids
• increase facilitators - nutrition, proper weight, health, romance, non-sexual intimacy, respect
• explore underutilized options - tantra, meditation, massage, aromatherapy, music
• don't be afraid or embarrassed to seek professional help 

This article describes one specific type of sexual performance issue and is based on many generalizations and assumptions. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Being happy and content with one's sexuality can be an important factor in having a fulfilling life. If necessary, it can be a good idea to find someone that can help, if you have challenges in obtaining what you seek. Celebrate life! For more information about Wishing Wellness - click here.   

Understanding Self Improvement - Vulnerability and Resistance

Over the years, based on my specific education, experience and service offerings, I tend to attract clients that have some common characteristics. Some of my clients are seeking simple wellness services such as massage & bodywork. Other clients come in for more in-depth services. This article discusses some ideas and concepts regarding clients who are seeking to make significant changes in their life and improve their situation and outcome.

When it comes to services such as counseling, psychotherapy, therapeutic hypnosis or treating trauma or sexual dysfunction issues, it is often challenging for a client to achieve and sustain their stated goals. In many cases, that is why a client has come to see me. Frequently, I see clients who have had an extended history of frustration, unhappiness, emotional stress, lack of satisfying life improvement or a past history of seeing many types of helping professionals. In some of these situations, we use Integrative Bodywork as a unique approach to make significant progress. (There is another blog article about Integrative Bodywork on the blog site.) In other situations we use a more traditional blend of services to provide assistance.

In either case, when a client says that they have long standing or unsatisfactory improvement, I have observed that there seems to be a common thread. In the counseling and psychotherapy field, there is a label that exists for the lack of a client's progress within the therapeutic process - resistance. I am not a big supporter of any type of "label."  But, "resistance" is a particularly distressing label. In the majority of professional literature and the helping professional's education, when a client is considered to be "resisting" - the focus of the work shifts. Resistance is seen as a somewhat active process where the client is viewed as the cause for the failure of the process. This concept suggests that it is because of this resistance that the client can not make or sustain the necessary changes or obtain the necessary "insight" required for them to achieve their goals. The "resistance" label can serve to take the counselor or therapist off-the-hook as a major factor in why things are not going as planned. 

My view of this process is different. I would like to replace the word "resistance" with the word "vulnerability." People, by the very nature of being human, are creatures of habit and routine. This is rooted in our biological need to survive. It is important for us to be able to predict where our shelter is, where we get our next meal, where we can obtain clothes, or how we can maintain safety. The need for predictability and routine is hardwired in us. Consistency is a survival mechanism.

Over time, even when things are not going the way we want - when we are stressed, when we are emotionally upset, anxious, depressed, sexually dysfunctional, or in a bad relationship; we may try to perpetuate that unhealthy norm. Regardless of the fact that we know things could be better or we need to make a change - the perceived discomfort of the unknown can cause a person to "resist" making obvious changes, or abandon progress toward improvement. I just used the word "resist" as a descriptive word - not as an active intention.

It is my opinion that many people or clients do not make or sustain, what appear to be obvious and obtainable improvements, because of actual or perceived vulnerability and not resistance. While this distinction might not seem like a big deal - I think it can be, and is, for many people. Accepting vulnerability as a roadblock to progress, rather than focusing on resistance, changes the whole approach to helping someone make improvements and achieve their goals. Rather than spending time addressing reasons why a person can't make changes, the focus shifts to understanding and exploring how a person can feel safe and understand what it means to change. When a person is having issues, change requires a step into the unknown. For some, even a very dysfunctional lifestyle is safe compared to the unknown. For some, even an abusive relationship is more comfortable than the unknown situation of  being alone or on one's own. For some, any change (EVEN POSITIVE CHANGE) that challenges their idiosyncratic norm, is seen as less desirable because making change is a step into the unknown. Change represents an exposure of vulnerabilities that challenge the here-and-now.

Exploring how someone can make changes is even more complicated if their emotional, physical or cognitive capabilities are already compromised by their current situation. In some cases, to one degree or another, successful and sustained change may require a person to re-invent their life and who they are. This could mean a change in geography, friends, activities, family associates, employment... all those potential changes lead to a potential increase of a sense of vulnerability. When this sense of vulnerability outweighs the need for change - there is a lessened motivation for making or sustaining change - aka "resistance."

I could go on and on - but I think you get the point. Regardless of how much people may want to make changes in their life, they need to learn how to make the changes. Knowing how to make changes requires addressing what life means after the changes occur.  Work that focuses on exploring what the future looks like, possible outcomes, addressing what-if scenarios, establishing self efficacy and hardiness all contribute to diminishing a sense of vulnerability to change. When vulnerability is reduced - progress occurs. For more information about Wishing Wellness - click here. 

Integrative Bodywork Explained

This article explains how Integrative Bodywork can provide a pathway to health and wellness. Integrative Bodywork is extremely helpful and useful for people seeking simple relief, wellness and well-being.  You may see references to Integrative Bodywork (IB) in various locations on the web. IB is a term used by various people for various reasons. Our concept of IB began to be developed in 1999 and has been evolving since.

In 1999 we were working with a variety of clients who were seeking improvement with mental, emotional, physical or spiritual issues.  More than a few of the clients had been involved in seeking "helping professionals" over a number of years. Some of the clients' situations were complicated by being involved in the judicial system or as a result of being among people who were nonsupportive of positive change and more supportive of unhealthy choices and lifestyles.

Wherever they were on in addressing with their issues, the more significantly impacted clients had a few things in common:

It was very tough for them to make the changes they wanted
Over some period of time, if positive changes did occur, the changes didn't last
No option for help seemed to really work or connect
A sense of calm and peace was lacking
General agitation was present which led to emotional, mental, physical or spiritual unrest
Personal relationships were either superficial, non-existent, volatile, or enmeshed
They had a sense that they were trapped in a situation, body, or life that was fighting them
   
My background is somewhat unique. I straddle several professional roles and have education, experience and background in multiple areas. My background presented the opportunity for me to observe clients, who came to me for one reason, obtain unanticipated benefits in other areas not directly expected from their primary interaction with me. Over the course of several years, this happened frequently and sometimes the results were pretty significant. I could go into a number of case examples, but it might be more useful to stay a little more general and explain the possible "why" of how this occurred.

In short, I have studied many different wellness concepts that appear, at first, to have very little relationship with each other. What I observed with IB and the results clients experienced was that a blend of concepts and techniques drawn from massage & bodywork, meridian based acupressure, energy work (primarily Reiki), yogic meditation & breath work, Neo-Ericksonian hypnosis and aromatherapy had a synergistic effect. A blend of these techniques, based on the client's presentation and goals, seems to provide significant results. I am hesitant to say this, because I don't want to set an unrealistic expectation - but in some situations, with some clients, the client stated that they obtained more improvement from one session that they had ever received for years via other more mainstream and silo based methods. Even when less dramatic results were obtained, the results were still significant.

The results have very little to do with me. It has to do with the blend of techniques and the delivery. I am becoming more and more convinced that language is not a very good tool to use to address many wellness and well-being issues. Verbal communication is a very cognitive, preconditioned, often misinterpreted, faulty delivery method, when it is used as the primary method to address issues of wellness. Often, the communication channel is so affected and conditioned by past issues that it is relatively useless as a tool to help make improvements. Also, verbal communication inherently relies heavily on conscious cognitive processes which, almost by definition, are not optimal if someone is seeking to improve their situation. In some situations, techniques that rely on unconscious, non-verbal methods seem more effective. It may be true that silence is golden.

Even in situations where unconscious body memory or physical touch may elicit a client's awareness recall of a physical accident or abuse and evoke a response; non-verbal, unconscious, directly contrasting healthy touch or sensations can immediately offset years of prior patterning and conditioning. This is especially true if concurrent methods are used to reduce the physiological reaction and reset a baseline that supports the parasympathetic nervous system (rest, digest, relax, recover). The baseline reset can be facilitated and anchored by breath work, visualization, hypnosis... The effective power is in the blend of the multi-modality delivery.

I do not personally or professionally consider IB "fringy." I know not everyone will agree. IB crosses multiple disciplines, models and professions. The concept of touching clients as a form of "therapy" is controversial. However, while much simpler in delivery and extent than our IB process, there is a growing collection of research and support for a basic component of IB. The Veteran's Administration and the military are gathering research and support for simple massage as supportive treatment for PTSD. In our IB model, the disciplines are blended and delivered by a single multi-modality practitioner. This option leverages continuity, encourages transference and offers real-time flexibility.

I know that the above explanation is presented in a pretty dry and clinical way. In delivery, IB is a very peaceful, restful, nurturing and relaxing process. This article also addressed some of the more extreme scenarios related to IB. IB is also very useful and helpful for clients who are simply seeking a powerful and holistic session to help fine tune or optimize and already healthy and centered status. Click here for more information about Wishing Wellness.

The Interstitium Organ - How Little We Know

On any given day, we rely heavily on information that appears as fact; when in-fact, the information is simply the current limit of our lack of knowledge. Scientific facts are only as good as the next piece of information that either corroborates or diminishes the preexisting fact.

Nowhere is this better exemplified than in the recent (days old) "breakthrough" regarding the discovery of a new body organ. Think about it. Humans have been studying and working on the human body since we existed. From a scientific and research perspective, finding a "new organ" is pretty significant. For me, because of my training and background, the discovery alone is not as significant as what the underlying impact could mean. Granted, this discovery adds a lot of potential understanding to cancer research, diseases models and the general main-stream medical knowledge base. The bigger piece for me is that this discovery has the potential to expand the understanding many non-traditional health, wellness, and energetic approaches.

In case you want to see what I am talking about; see these links for articles about the Interstitium Organ:

NBC News
CNN
National Geographic
USA Today
Live Science

While there are existing theories to legitimize alternative wellness methods such as craniosacral therapy, reflexology, acupressure, lymphatic massage, traditional massage, yoga, Reiki.... many of these explanations fall short of regularly established scientific scrutiny. When a new "scientific discovery" announces that an entire "organ" exists that is pervasive and allows for a body-wide connection using our water (we are about 20% water) and interstitial space, that creates an opportunity to expand our ability to apply this new knowledge to alternative methods as well.

The interstitium organ is a very exciting discovery. The discovery also represents a reality check. Science and research are humbling experiences. My typical example is to reflect on how prominent the belief was; for a very long time supported by Christianity, science and politics - that the world was flat. We can realize that not all things can be in our current awareness. There will always be mysteries and new discoveries. The ability to allow ourselves to be open to new experiences, contradictions and challenges can allow us to be open to the idea that some things simply work even though we don't understand them --- yet. For more information about Wishing Wellness click here. 

Therapeutic Hypnosis - How Long Does It Take To Resolve Issues?

A question that I am frequently asked is: "How many therapeutic hypnosis sessions will it take to 'fix' my _____________?" (You can fill in the blank with any issue)

That is a perfectly reasonable question for which I don't have a good answer. I have seen many clients with a variety of simple or complex issues. Over the years, the only consistent factor that I've observed is that everyone is different. Some hypnosis practitioners, usually those in franchise settings, require an agreement or contract to do hypnosis work. They require a fixed number of sessions - usually 5 to 7 and the client pays up-front for the services. I am firmly against that type of model.

As much as I'd like to be all-knowing; I can't predict how quickly or slowly any given client will be able to learn to adjust and adapt to hypnosis and the therapeutic work. So, setting up a specific number of sessions in advance is counter-productive, both therapeutically and financially. I actually believe that for a licensed "healing arts professional," as I am, having a set session model is actually unethical. While what I am saying might seem off-putting for some clients, I'd like to provide this  information to help them make an informed decision.

While I can't predict how many sessions it might take for a client to address their issues fully, I can definitely say that almost every client I've seen has obtained some positive impact from their very first hypnosis session. In some cases, it is not uncommon to obtain significant relief from the client's presenting issues during the first session. But, there is no guarantee because there are many variables.

In dealing with phobias, anxiety, or traumatic stress, the first session or two may be focused on addressing an initial facilitating event(s). During these sessions, special techniques and methods are used to reduce the impact of the precipitating event (if there is one). After this event(s) is  addressed, the hypnosis can move on to provide general symptomatic relief and enhance coping strategies.

Addiction issues may require several sessions in order to develop better control over triggers and other stimulating events that lead to the addictive behaviors. Additionally, some hypnosis work is geared toward reducing the overall psychological and physiological impact of the addiction. Relapse prevention and relapse re-framing is also useful to address. It is important to keep in mind that any hypnosis addiction based work will require changes in the person's life to help minimize the opportunities to partake in the addictive behavior. Hypnosis, all by itself, is unlikely to override actions or behaviors taken by the client that encourage relapse or addictive behavior.

While eating disorders or food management issues have good results with hypnosis, it is almost always prudent to expect at least four sessions to obtain good results. The reason for this is because there is an effective and specific need to address several aspects of the eating management problem. All four of these areas need to have some attention in order to solidify the overall hypnosis work.

There are a variety of other reasons clients come for hypnosis, but the ones I just reviewed are the typical ones that have some consistency and pattern to the process. While any given client may have widely variable symptoms and issues, there is typically some commonality to how the therapeutic hypnosis process progresses and that gives some predictability to outcome and results.

Lastly, as the picture chosen for this article attempts to portray, the unconscious mind is a playground of connections and symbols. Anyone can be hypnotized to some degree or another. In contrast to what most people think, the more a person desires to be in control, the easier it can be to hypnotize them. The hypnosis leverages the strength of their focus and control to allow the unconscious mind to enter into the hypnotic trance - which is where the work is done.

Because of these variables, I do not require or encourage an expectation for a certain number of sessions. If the client's results are evident and improvement is being made, then the client has the option to continue. On the other hand, if a client feels that hypnosis is not working for them, they are not locked into a contract or financial agreement. They are free to stop hypnosis ad try other forms of therapy or assistance.

Enhanced relaxation, memory reconstruction, age regression, anxiety, phobias, addictions, eating management.... a wide variety of activities and issues can be facilitated with therapeutic hypnosis work. When other methods or attempts have failed, hypnosis is likely to succeed or allow for a more rapid resolution.  For more information about Wishing Wellness and therapeutic hypnosis services, click here.     

 

Essential Oils & Aromatherapy to Enhance Your Session

Some of our clients ask about our philosophy in the use of essential oils and aromatherapy for our massage, bodywork and energy sessions.

We always are very specific in our choice of base oils, essential oil body blends or aromatherapy oils and we use custom blended oils exclusively. Unlike some massage and bodywork providers, we don't charge any extra fees for this. The ingredients and blends that we create are designed to enhance the specific session type to make the experience an even deeper and better one.

We are also very particular in the base or raw ingredients that we use to make up our aromatic blends. We source pesticide and phthalate free, organic products. When we choose to create a specific blend, we focus on the type of session and the adaptogenic qualities of the oils and ingredients. Adaptogenic qualities are something unique to the study of herbals. An adaptogen has the quality of balancing out something. This is true whether the body is in excess of something, or lacking something.

This concept is not readily understood in Western culture or allopathic medicine where people take things to address a specific issue for a single specific outcome.  With an adaptogen, as an example, a specific herb (or an extract such as oil) has the ability to help a person balance out their energy - this is true for a person who may have low energy (depressed), or another person who has high energy (anxiety). The same herb (oil) can affect two very different extremes. That is what is interesting about adaptogens - they simply help bring something into balance from either direction. We place a special emphasis on adaptogenic oils and herbs in our blends.

In our base oils we also include ingredients that are generally known to help improve skin quality, reduce cellulitis and improve skin tone. Our therapeutic blends include a variety of oils and extracts to assist with absorption by the skin tissue and reduce inflammation and muscle soreness.

Research has shown that certain oils have an hormonal affect.  Omega-3 fatty acids are one of the mainstream oil constituents that you may have heard a lot about. Oils are actually precursors to hormones (eicosanoids) - that means that you need to metabolize certain oils or fatty acids in order to adequately balance hormone levels.

Similarly, we are very picky about the aromatherapy oils we use and the blends that we create for our sessions. The sense of smell (olfactory sense) is a very strong process that can quickly affect our thoughts, emotions and energy. The sensory and nervous system pathway from the nose to the brain is very direct. This very direct path exists as a primitive survival mechanism - we want to know early and quickly if we are in danger of being in a fire (by smelling smoke) or avoid eating putrid food that could make us very ill. Likewise, can you recall a time when you smelled a subtle hint of a scent of home cooked bread, or a certain flower, and found yourself quickly recalling past memories or good feelings? We leverage this human trait to help facilitate relaxation and peacefulness in order to enhance overall wellness.

As you probably tell, we've given a lot of thought to all that goes into our sessions. We want you to have the best experience possible and do whatever we can to make that happen. If you have more questions about our base oils, essential oils, herbal extracts or aromatherapy usage. Please feel free to  ask us any questions. For more information about Wishing Wellness, please see our website.   

     

Therapeutic Hypnosis - Memory Recall and Regression Techniques

There are many well authored and authoritative books and articles published on the topic of hypnosis; the concept and information is vast. Hypnosis is a very misunderstood and misinterpreted technique. For many people, due to the influence of media, the internet, or pop-culture, hypnosis is viewed skeptically. I have found through formal education, professional experience, research, and the results achieved with clients - therapeutic hypnosis is a valuable tool that can be used in many situations as a primary or supportive technique to help clients achieve their wellness goals. Therapeutic hypnosis can be used for a wide-range of purposes. This article is going discuss some of the more interesting aspects of therapeutic hypnosis memory work.

Before getting into the depths of the details, I want to define some limitations of this article. This article is not meant to be scholarly in nature, therefore, I won't be citing references for my comments. However, what I am presenting is supported by case studies and research; anyone wanting to get formal references for the information can contact me and I am more than happy to point them to the sources. Anyone can by hypnotized to some degree or another. Hypnosis is like any other skill. Some people are more adept at going into trance than others; but, overtime and with proper guidance, anyone can learn to develop deep states of trance. Rapport and trust between the client and the hypnosis practitioner is a very critical factor in the ease and ability for hypnosis to occur. In a professional setting, hypnosis is a very powerful and helpful tool to help with a wide variety of issues or challenges.

In this article, we will target some common questions that clients have regarding memory related hypnosis work. Some of the concepts that can fall into this category are: false memory syndrome, memory recollection, age regression, past life regression and traumatic event resolution.

We only use a very small percentage of our minds capability. The conscious portion of our mind is highly underutilized. Even more so, the unconscious portions of our mind are almost completely untapped as a resource. Every once in a while we hear extraordinary stories about how people have tapped into powerful emotions, thoughts, empathy, or predictive states of mind. Regardless of our amazing technical and scientific achievements, no computer exists that can mimic the flexibility or autonomy of our mind. There are various models for how the minds memory functions operate, but none of these models actually explain the miracle.

Using therapeutic hypnosis and relatively deep states of trance, memory can be accessed in a manner that is not available when only working with the conscious mind. No one knows exactly why or how this occurs. In the proper setting and situation,  as measured by imaging or EEGs, verifiable changes occur in brain wave activity and type. In deep hypnotic trance states, these recordable brain waves look very similar (and may be the same) to the brain waves seen in deep relaxation sleep. You may have heard of REM sleep or rapid eye movement sleep? This is the portion of sleep where dreaming occurs and theta brain waves are observed. These theta waves, which have a rate of  4 to 8 hertz, are also observed during deep relaxation or deep meditation. For some reason, deep states of relaxation or hypnotic trance encourage theta brain wave activity and open a pathway into our memory structures.

Creating a response hypnotically in which deep trance states occur allows us to perform a variety of memory based work. The following discussion assumes a therapeutic hypnosis session has gotten to the point of a deep trance, theta wave state; or as it is sometimes known, the "Esdaile state." James Esdaile was a mid 1800's medical doctor, who used this state of "trance" to perform surgeries on his patients. They didn't have anesthesia like we do today and Esdaile found his method allowed his patients to feel no (or minimal) pain during actual surgery. In addition to being able to facilitate memory access, an Esdaile state of trance is very useful in hypnotic memory work because, if managed properly, the state can facilitate talking with the client during their trance - without disrupting their trance.

Once in the Esdaile state, a client can be assisted to explore their memory, leveraging the power of their unconscious mind to recall "forgotten" memories. This memory recollection process may be used for simple data gathering. It may also be used to help the client perform age regression where they use their vivid memories to think and feel as if they are at an earlier age. Further extension of this concept is that some people may be able to experience, what feels to them to be, prior lives. This is known as past life regression. Regression and recollection are two different things. Recollection is simply recalling previously inaccessible memories. Regression is more of an immersion process where the client may actually feel, behave, think and experience their situation as if they are actually back at the age of regression.

The access to memory recall and regression creates an opportunity for clients to accomplish an almost limitless set of goals. Some clients seek therapeutic hypnosis to resolve emotional issues. Here is a list of some common memory work objectives:

• remember forgotten facts or details 
• find lost items
• re-experience certain pleasant events, places or people
• resolve past trauma or abuse
• recall blocked memories
• regress to a previous age
• regress to a past-life
• experience abreaction

 As you can see, some of the above mentioned activities have the potential to be emotionally distressing. In therapeutic hypnosis, specific techniques and methods are used to insulate or "disassociate" the client from the emotional impact of the distressful recollections or regression so they can experience them without negative impact. The goal is to resolve these types of issues in a comfortable manner and reduce the trauma.

In some situations, a person may have unconsciously blocked memories that are critical for authorities to know. This can happen when someone is a victim of a violent crime, a witness to a traumatic event or victim of sexual abuse. In these circumstances, it is essential that the victim not be further traumatized by the hypnosis memory work. Furthermore, it is very important that the phenomena of "false memory syndrome" be avoided. If there is any possibility where it can be shown that a memory has been "introduced" into the client's memory by the process or the hypnotist, that would disallow the details to be utilized for further purposes in criminal proceedings. Peter Freyd created the term "false memory syndrome" (FMS) to describe the unwanted phenomena and psychologist, Elizabeth Loftus, has provided a great deal of research into this area. Thanks to the recognition of the phenomena and the available research, a different hypnotic approach can be utilized in these situations to avoid or reduce the possibility of FMS. These techniques involve indirect methods to help a client improve memory recall while avoiding suggestions or directions toward a preexisting framework of memories. In the majority of jurisdictions, this method has been found useful and result in admissible witness testimony.   

I hope this article answers some questions regarding hypnosis memory work. Hypnosis is a powerful and useful tool in helping clients resolve issues and accomplish their goals. Memory work is just a small subset of the wide ranging hypnosis possibilities. When performed ethically and professionally, hypnosis is a great option to consider.  Click here for more information about Wishing Wellness and therapeutic hypnosis services.               

Processing the Passing of Pets - Understanding Our Sadness

A client recently came in and asked for some help in dealing with, and understanding, her sadness and grieving in regard to the loss of her pet. She had found her companion when just a kitten and her cat had been with her for almost half her life. When her cat passed, they had been celebrating an 18 year relationship. What her particular concerns and questions focused on was understanding why this sadness and grieving was so profound, deep and slow to resolve.

During her life, as is the situation with most people, my client had been exposed to loss of friends and family members several times. While these situations and losses came with the expected impact and sadness, the death of her cat was, from her perspective, much more impactful. She was seeking help in understanding why, in comparison to the loss of her human connections, the death of her cat was greater and more difficult to handle.

There are many general explanations that explain and help us understand the grieving process a person goes through when they lose another human. There is much less information about how a person grieves the death of a pet. While the assumption is that the process may be similar, it does seem true that loss of a pet can have a more profound impact than the loss of a human loved one. Why would this be true? There may be several reasons that can help us understand that qualitative difference between the sadness and grieving  that occurs when we loose a pet. These are generalizations offered to help someone develop a better understanding of how processing the loss can be different.

Humans have the option to communicate verbally. Verbal communication involves expression and reception of messages that can be manipulated and used in various healthy and unhealthy ways. Verbal communication is a shared process and there is an option for feedback, disagreement and clarification. While verbal communication can certainly lead to emotional responses and the development of relationships, communication between a pet and an owner is qualitatively different. Over time, there develops an unspoken sense of understanding and communication that occurs between a pet and an owner. Because this communication is non-verbal and understanding develops internally, it is more of a sensate and emotional process. The awareness between an owner and pet is much more subtle and personal. An intuitive perception is developed that allows each to know the feelings, attitudes and emotions of each other. Each party to the communication learns to pick up on very subtle expressions and behaviors. This non-verbal communication is more intimate, honest and forthright than verbal communication - a blending of understanding develops at an almost pre-cognitive level.

When we are in human relationships, we know that there is still some healthy separation between parties. Each person has their own life that commingles with the other and there is a give-and-take that occurs. In healthy human relationships, interdependence and an agreed upon mutually supportive interaction occurs between each other - but it is a two-way street. Agreement occurs as to who will do what things and take on what roles. In contrast, as a responsible pet owner, there is an inherent dependence in the relationship. An owner feeds, walks, provides health care, stimulates, cleans up and picks up poop for their pet. Their pet will never outgrow the need to have a certain amount of care devoted to them and their wellbeing. Child humans are encouraged to become independent and leave the home - pets will never be required to change their role and dependency to become an adult. This places a very intimate and intricate level of care taking on the pet owner. In exchange for appropriate care, a pet reciprocates with relatively unconditional love and companionship.

When a human spirit leaves the body and passes on, there is usually a cultural, religious or familial tradition that occurs with the passing. Funerals, wakes, eulogies, memorials, obituaries declaring the family lineage and group mourning is common. When a pet passes, the process is much more isolated and personal - there often is no large group of supporters or rituals to celebrate the passing. The options to process the loss are more limited. The loneliness, grieving and sadness is more singular and intimate. Additionally, unlike in human situations, sometimes a pet owner has an option for peaceful euthanasia of their pet. This critical decision can play a role in second guessing one's self and developing a sense of guilt for being a party to their pet's transition.

There are some very clear and reasonable reasons why loss of a pet may be more difficult for someone to process than loss of a human loved one. While some of the differences may now be apparent, a few things remain common in how we can process the passing - human or pet. We can always choose to celebrate the gifts and strengths of those departed, rather than focus on the loss. Even the word "loss" implies missing something with a sense of ownership; and we really never can own or control another life. We can choose to be honored that we shared time, experiences and memories with another. The beauty and joy that we experienced with our loved ones can live on, just as strongly, in our memories and in our future choices and actions. Prayer, meditation and shamanic journeying are some examples of methods that some people use to keep in touch with those who have passed on. In some situations, where grief remains unresolved and unrelenting, some clients have found benefit in therapeutic hypnosis work that uses memory regression to help reconcile previously missed opportunities for closure. Spiritually and emotionally, the true essence of our pets will always be with us, because that type of love transcends the death of a body.   For more information about Wishing Wellness, click here.

The Energy Connection - Reiki & Other Methods

Every week we receive calls about Reiki or our other "alternative" offerings, such as: acupressure, trigger point and Shamanic services. The questions originate from a wide-range of personal interests and perspectives. When we teach our Reiki, Shamanic, or Integrative Bodywork classes, I spend a great deal of time providing examples of well accepted, real-world, energy based concepts. I think the time is well spent because a person may be able to affiliate with some common energy based example that offers a conceptual framework within which they can fit the concepts of these more esoteric ideas. It is hard to fit the classroom discussion into a short blog article - but, I wanted to cover a few reoccurring questions that seem to be on our client's minds.

Does energy work conflict with religious beliefs? 

Some people think so, but it shouldn't have to. I'd like to think that I am a very spiritual person. I respect all people (and other living things) and belief systems as long as they have a fundamental basis in treating people well and loving one another. Therefore, nothing I ever do or teach forces any type of belief system or concept onto another person. I am more than happy to help clients understand the concepts and logic behind a service in which they may be interested. This is important because if a person has questions about something; getting a good answer and understanding the work that is being done provides power to the work and can help make things more effective for the client. From my perspective, there is nothing that I do, or service that I provide, that should be in contradiction or opposed to anyone's belief system.

What does holistic actually mean?

A basic concept in anything that we offer is that a person is an "integrated whole." A person is the sum of their energy, emotions, thoughts, physical characteristics and wellness, spirituality and beliefs. Any area that is not optimal, for that specific person, means that they are not in the best place that they can be. Our goal is to help a person be the best sum of their collective parts. That is why our approach is holistic. That is why we offer massage & bodywork, therapeutic hypnosis, psychotherapy and energy work. We want to be able to help the "whole" person  based on their specific needs.

Why should a person be concerned about their "energy?"

You can read some of the other blog articles that describe this more, but any lack of smooth, unrestricted flow of energy (which can mean any of the above listed holistic areas are in distress) creates an environment for lack of optimal health, dis-ease or distress. Good energy flow = good overall health.

Can you explain how these "energy" based services work?

Almost everything we do can be explained by a model or reference to some type of concept. We draw upon Asian, East Indian, Native American, Shamanic, Western... cultures to bring together what seems to work for our clients. BUT - - - these are only concepts or models. While these concepts or models seem to be sturdy and based on fact, they are simply some cultures' attempt to explain what may be currently inexplicable. If you think about it, our Western scientific knowledge base is always expanding and changing. Here are some examples:

Remember, not so long ago, almost everyone in the world thought the world was flat? People were tortured and considered heretics if they professed a belief that the world was actually round. 

With all our advances in medicine and neurology, we currently still do not know how the brain actually works.

We currently accept that everything is made of atoms - 118 possible elements. Atoms have electrons that are always constantly in motion. That means that everything, even things that appear solid  (concrete) is actually in constant motion. 

How does the magnetic field created by an MRI actually not hurt our cells as it resonates them to make the image? A microwave oven also resonates cells to cook food - just a different frequency. Yet, it wouldn't be a great idea to hop into a microwave oven. Nor, could you cook a potato in an MRI machine.   

Models or concepts like these are readily accepted by us. Yet, they are simply the best current explanation we rely upon to explain things that actually defy explanation. Reiki, acupressure, Shamanic practices, Trigger Point Therapy, depression, emotional pain... are similar attempts at applying models to explain things. In reality, our human existence and life energy is similarly inexplicable.  Click here for more information about Wishing Wellness.     

Into the Depths With Deep Tissue Massage

Many times a month we get calls asking if we do deep tissue massage. If you've checked our website, you will notice that deep tissue massage is not listed as one of our services. In this article, I'd like to explain why we do not offer deep tissue massage; why we actually think deep tissue massage can be injurious; outline better options, for better results, than deep tissue massage.

We start with a basic assumption that muscles always win. When a muscle is tight, in spasm, injured, over used or lacking good blood flow - it is not reliably possible to force the muscle to get better by digging into it and deeply manipulating the muscle. If you get poked in the eye; you don't help the inured eye by poking it again? If you bang your thumb with a hammer; you don't make it feel better by hitting it again with a hammer? (At least I hope not) Likewise, with injured or painful muscles it doesn't make a lot of sense to do things that perpetuate pain or injury.

A muscle, under a microscopic view, is made up of many very fine hair like fibers that act together as a group to create muscle contractions. Under stress, these fibers are easily damaged and can range from small fiber tears to full muscle tears. It is actually pretty amazing how these tiny fibers combine together to perform movements and handle weight loads. Additionally, a muscle and the little fibers that make a muscle create movement, only has one movement function - contraction. The same muscle that is contracted does not have its own ability to un-contract and re-extend itself. The only thing a muscle can do after contraction is - release. A contracted muscle, even when the fibers release and relax, needs help re-extending by the action of opposing muscles. The same muscle can not extend itself to a non-contracted position without help. It makes sense then, that simply working a muscle in a contracted state is not going to actually help it get back to pre-contracted or normal position without some type of supportive movement, opposing stretch, or opposing muscle activity. 

There can be several reasons for sore muscles, such as: build up of waste products (lactic acid) due to exercise or over use; lack of blood flow (ischemic issues); stretched or inflamed tendons (tendinitis); ripped or torn muscle fibers or tendons (worst case - surgery). In any case, deep tissue massage is not likely to produce the best results. Granted, deep tissue manipulation may incidentally help move out lactic acid or improve blood flow - but, because we can't see inside the muscle (unless we have an MRI); we can't know exactly what is happening. Nor, can we only assume one thing is going on. Therefore, the risk of increasing injury or pain with deep tissue massage is pretty high - especially when many massage therapists performing deep tissue massage are not well trained in the process.

Over the years, we have found that there are various options to help sore or injured muscles that do not rely on deep tissue techniques. Depending on our clients situation, the following techniques may be effective:

• slow pumping and kneading of the muscle
• slow and progressive stretches across the muscle insertions
• contrasting cold and heat applications
• gentle relaxation of the muscle by shortening the insertion points to help the muscle reset and relax (proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation)
• use of essentials oils that create an analgesic effect or improve blood flow to the area
• slow range of motion movements, with or without, active resistance
• thai yoga massage stretching techniques
• acupressure point manipulation
• focused breathing and intention to relax the tight or spasmed muscle

The above listed techniques work with the body to help facilitate the natural repair methods that ultimately are what allow for healing to occur. These options are also more likely to be available when a client is in acute pain because these options are gentle and non-aggressive. Because other options exist, we stay away from deep tissue massage and offer services, that more likely than not, will provide benefit without the risk of making things worse.   Click here for more information about Wishing Wellness

Wellness and Healing Crises

It is a new year! Welcome in 2018. The beginning of a fresh year often sparks new or renewed interest in making positive changes in one's life. There is a long standing tradition of making "New Year's Resolutions." At our wellness center, we see an increased interest in our various services by potential and new clients seeking to improve or enhance their physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well being - and that is a great thing. Whether attributed to the spark of a new year, or some other motivator or catalyst, anything that promotes self-improvement and wellness is welcome.

A positive attitude is a primary factor in obtaining our goals - isn't it? We always help our client's try and stay focused on the positive side of things. Our therapeutic hypnosis always tries to help our client's conscious and unconscious aspects tend to their strengths. Our massage & bodywork always targets improvement. Our energy work always highlights inner strength and spiritual positivism. One of our primary goals is to always be a cheerleader for improvement. We always avoid the negative in order to use whatever we can offer to focus on the positive. However, this might be the perfect time to take a step back and provide a little disclaimer about health, wellness and balance.

Why be such a Debbie Downer (I hope no one that reads this is really named that and takes offense) at this optimistic time of the year?  Being aware and forewarned prepares us and gives strength for overcoming one of the biggest obstacles to sustaining our improvement and positive outcomes over the long run. Sometimes, in some situations, our attempts at improvement are met with a natural and inherent resistance to change.

Whether we are seeking physical, mental, emotional or spiritual improvement; an attempted positive shift in the status quo, even from a status quo that is not the best for us, toward improvement, can be met with initial resistance or setbacks. This is the nature of a "healing crisis." There may be rebellious factors in our mind, body, environment, family, or spirit that are slow to change or downright resistant to our efforts. These change challenges are normal, acceptable and expected. In fact, these obstacles represent a vary reliable marker that we are on the correct track toward improvement. By definition, changing the status quo requires meeting and overcoming the natural challenges mustered to keep the status quo in place.

We could choose to quit, stop or back-off from our intended goals when we meet this resistance. This is what many people do when their New Year's Resolution isn't turning out exactly how they expected. A good intention quickly becomes an aborted attempt. Or, we can welcome the resistance; acknowledge it as a sign along the pathway toward our goal; push forward with our desire for improvement; knowing that in order to improve, we must overcome the stagnated and sluggish energy or errant thinking that created our lack of balance and wellness.

Knowing.... most certainly as you can..... that your desire to improve may be challenged by the natural resistance to change..... can offer you a tool to be used in your favor..... in preparation for your growth and goal accomplishment - you now know this... and whether aware or unaware... can use it to your advantage to obtain your goals and resolutions. (a little hypnotic verbiage there)

As pictured above, like a drop of water, in the water, creating a point of change; I hope you have a wonderful year, and it is what it needs to be, for you.   Cick here for more info about Wishing Wellness                 

Lymphatic, Trigger Point, Acupressure, Meridian Sessions at Wishing Wellness

We have recently added a page to our website that discuss lymphatic massage, trigger point, acupressure and meridian based therapies. These types of sessions are subtle and focused experiences. Focused sessions, like these, have a wide range of potential benefits for many people, either at a time of distress and discomfort or prophylactically.  we hope you take some time to review our information regarding these sessions.  Click here for our page.

What is "Wellness?" - Why Do We Do What We Do?

Many times we are asked by current or future clients why we chose the path we have in regard to the services we provide. The simple answer is - We continually learn, research, try out, and keep what helps our clients achieve health and wellness. That simple answer is the tip of the mountain of "why." For those who want more detail, as to our "why," I'll do the best I can to explain how we came to where we are today with our philosophy. 

We are all complete, whole, complex beings. There are no parts that are divisible from other parts. In order to make sense of things, humans try to simplify things. That simplification complicates the understanding of the complexity of wellness. In order to help expand awareness, I use the terms: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual to explain various areas of our human package. But, this is still weak in terms of describing our human nature. In reality, there are no divisions in our human nature or the world around us. We are complex miracles of existence, as is all of nature. So, the following explanation I provide is flawed. The fact is, no one can really explain our existence. To do so travels into the realm of trying to explain the un-explainable.

The gift of life comes with an amazing capability of self-preservation and self-healing. In our Western model of allopathic medicine, we rely heavily on drugs or surgery to help us stay alive and healthy. Sometimes we get lost in thinking that these methods are actually "healing" techniques. I am not really aware of any drug or surgery technique that "heals." Our modern methods really provide a opportunity that gives a compromised person's body the ability to "heal" itself. As a drastic example, if a person can't naturally keep up with immune system responses to cancer; a surgeon will cut out the bad spot in order to let the body focus on keeping the rest of the person healthy and heal. A broken bone is put in a cast to immobilize it so that the body can heal the bone. In many cases, drugs are prescribed to relieve symptoms so that, while our body takes time to fight off illness, the pain or yuckiness is more bearable. In almost all cases - even modern medicine is an attempt to let the body heal itself. We are our own best "healer."

If you believe what I have said makes sense or sounds true, then it positions us to have a better understanding of why we offer our types of services. Our primary goal, a pretty singular goal, is to help a person be in the best position possible to be hardy, healthy and naturally be able to maintain their health and wellness. Since we are complex Beings, we offer services that address (please remember, even as I say this it is an artificial division of a person) physical, mental, emotional and spiritual areas of wellness. 

Given the chance, our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) (a portion of the autonomic nervous system) is designed to help us naturally heal and repair ourselves. The PNS is often called the "rest and digest" system. At different times such as when we sleep, rest, meditate, are in a hypnotic state, relaxed from a massage... any time when we are relaxed, the PNS helps our immune system be hardy and our body to heal itself. 

Unfortunately, because not much in life is simple, there is another system that opposes the beneficial effects of the PNS. Still part of the autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is known as the "fight or flight" system. We need this system too! I don't want to stress you out - but, can you imagine if an animal were attacking you? In that situation, you don't want to be relaxed, muscles loose, breathing easy; you need a lot of blood to the muscles, deep breathing, quick responses, improved eyesight... you need to escape and survive. The SNS has a very good and specific purpose. 

The problem is that as we have evolved, the kinds of stress we handle aren't much about escaping from wild animals anymore. Our stress might be long work days, financial, emotional, heavy lifting, family issues. Our stress can be become non-stop, unrelenting, and insidious. The SNS is not designed to be kept at high alert all the time. In fact, after a while, constant stress is mentally, emotionally and physically overwhelming. We could not function if we were actually aware of that stress, so our bodies habituate to the stress.

Have you ever entered a room with really loud noises, bright lights or strong smells? When you walk in the room it hits your pretty hard; but, after a while, you don't seem to notice the impact of those obnoxious issues. That is an example of habituation. In order to help us function, our body has an ability to tune out things that are overwhelming to us - even physical pain. Habituation comes into play even with constant stress. Eventually, we tune out the stressor. The stressor still exists, we just become numb to it. However, because the stressor still exists, the SNS is still active and in a higher level base line activation state. Whenever the SNS is highly active, the PNS can not be active. Normally the SNS and PNS balance each other. In sustained stress situations, the SNS overrides the ability of the PNS to do its job and we aren't even aware. We may not know how much stress we are under. We are habituated to stress. This situation leads to suppressed immune system function and a subsequent inability of the body to remain healthy or heal itself naturally - enter drugs, surgery, hypertension, cardiac issues and proliferation of cancer. This is a simplified explanation and there are many variables, but for the most part, this is a true story.

Tada!  We now arrive at our "why" we chose an apparent strange mix of services and offerings. We have chosen to try and bridge the gap between physical, mental, emotional and spiritual areas. Our education, experience and services are designed to, directly or indirectly, help our clients reduce stress, become more centered and balanced, and improve the ability of their PNS to do its job. 

Welcome in the PNS; settle down the SNS. When the PNS functions are more apparent, people can reacquaint themselves with their stressors (which may have become invisible to them due to habituation) and develop strategies to minimize the negative impact on their health and wellness. We use what we have found to work: massage & bodywork, counseling & psychotherapy, therapeutic hypnosis, meditation, Reiki, breathing, aromatherapy, herbology, Shamanic practices... 

Please take a moment to look at the picture at the beginning of this article. True balance can be a matter of perspective. Holistic wellness requires holistic balance. Energy stagnation or congestion encourages illness. Smooth energy flow encourages health. Each one of us is our own best healer. Now and in the future, you can choose to be healthier and happier, isn't that so?     

                   

What Happens Naturally

I walked across the street from the office this morning - I was impressed by what I saw. I thought I would share the picture that I took. Apparently even nature can appear to have conflicting moods; appearing calm on the surface, yet something very strong brewing at the same time. I imagine, as you also probably know, this could be the same for people at times. The interesting thing is, nature is, what it is. A raw form of energy, pure, powerful and inherently self-sustaining. Here long before us and certainly here after we leave. Apparently it is a natural state for Nature (capital "N" here intended) to co-exist with contrasts and diversity. It just happens - naturally. Often, when people encounter what appear to be conflicting energies, emotions, or thoughts, they frequently struggle to resist the dichotomy or confusion. Singularity or simplicity of purpose seems to be a human goal. I felt encouraged after seeing what I saw this morning. Learning from a perfect teacher - Nature; I may choose to look deeper into what I try to simplify and sort out. Maybe strangeness, diversity, complexity, struggle, even chaos, are simply experiences that I need to perceive and accept - Naturally.

Sex Therapy - The Hidden Factor to Many Relationship Issues

Over the last several months I have had several couples approach me for "couples" or "marriage therapy." Sometimes the issues that they present are the common ones, such as: money, discipline of the children, differences in how things should be done, differences in expectations....  In a few of the situations, the issues have been more subtle. It seemed that when one issue was resolved, a new issue cropped up. The couples and I felt like we were trying to hit a moving target.

Over the years, I have learned that when the content of an issue changes, but the interpersonal processes remain the same, the root cause of the issue has yet to be addressed. After some good work on the part of the clients, a common description was provided by these couples - "We get along OK. It seems like we can be good friends, but when it comes to actual or expected intimacy, that is when things start to get difficult." Often times, the intimacy did not appear to be the issue, but after some digging, the intimacy issues were the factor that led to the other arguments or issues. In some of the more significant situations, this led to mental abuse, infidelity, distancing in the relationship by substituting intimacy with pornography or other like substitutes. The other "issues" seemed like they were the issue - but they were not the primary thing that was making the couples feel raw, or angry, or insecure.

In more than a few of the situations, it turned out that one of the partners had a past history of sexual abuse. Upon further conversation and therapy, due to the abuse or some other factor, intimacy, as expressed via sexuality, was not a desirable or comfortable place for that person to be. In several cases, the person either had issues achieving orgasm (anorgasmia) or general relationship based arousal. This can then either lead to avoidance of sexual activity, or participating sexually, but not really enjoying one's self. In either situation, the other partner picks up on the lack of desirable participation and that sets off the cycle of "relationship issues."

Most people would agree, the difference between "really good friends" and "couples" is the sexual intimacy. For couples to feel as though they are really "couples," as opposed to friends or roommates, reciprocal, mutually satisfying sexuality is a key component.

Emotional sexual dysfunction (as opposed to physiologically based dysfunction) can be helped with counseling and psychotherapy. Therapeutic hypnosis can be a great tool to use in helping people overcome issues with sexual functioning. Sexual intimacy in the context of a "couples" relationship is a very important part to a full and fulfilling, mutually satisfying, relationship. Enjoying life and experiencing it to its fullest should be a part of our wonderful existence.

Although sexual desire, functioning and intimacy are extremely personal topics, seeking help and achieving your personal goals in your relationship is important. You may be surprised as to how different things can be. People deserve to celebrate life, themselves, and their relationships to the fullest.    

Sacred Lomi - Why?

Some clients have asked for additional information regarding the Sacred Lomi bodywork session. I am including information here that was previously published in an article that I wrote. Before we get to that info - I am often asked why I choose to offer Sacred Lomi and why I feel it is such a powerful session. I do not assume that everyone will respond to a Sacred Lomi in the same way. For some clients, it is just a nice, long, relaxing session. For other clients, it is much more.

Getting out of one's mind and simply experiencing the here and now has a very powerful effect. The process and nature of a Sacred Lomi is designed to enhance a sense of a journey, right of passage, or rebirth. For many clients, either bodywork or counseling based, the Sacred Lomi is a physical method to feel emotionally or mentally renewed. It is a non-verbal, holistic way to integrate physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of ourselves. That was the intent of the Hawaiian Shamans when they brought Sacred Lomi to their people.

Here is the previously published info:

In preparation for the session, it is recommended that the client not eat or drink for at least an hour prior to the bodywork.  Recipients are asked to not wear any perfume, cologne or other strong body scents.  All jewelry will need to be removed including any body piercing jewelry.  Legs, arms and faces that are shaved regularly should be recently shaved so that minimal stubble is present.  No make-up should be worn.  Hair will need to be up so that no hair is able to fall onto the neck or shoulders (we have new scrunchies for each client).  Ideally, the body should be recently showered and clean so that the oil flows smoothly on the skin.  After receiving Sacred Lomi, water should be consumed in significant amounts to help clear and cleanse the body.

This massage is performed while lying directly on the warm massage table, with no bottom sheet, allowing the therapist to perform certain underbody flowing strokes and techniques.  The room is kept very warm to keep the client comfortable.  Often the therapist will breathe audibly to help sustain energy and assist in developing the proper intention.  Generally, there is no conversation between the client and therapist which allows the client and therapist to focus on the intention of the session.  A liberal amount of oil is used.  As is standard with any type of bodywork, the recipient will dress and undress in privacy, and while getting on and off the table, a draping sheet is used.

This is a very beautiful and caring style of massage and the process is, at a minimum, fully relaxing.  Some find it to be personally uplifting and insightful.  Sacred Lomi is best performed with minimal draping based on the client’s comfort level.  The client’s comfort level is the primary consideration.  If the client is not comfortable – then there really is no purpose in providing the massage.  Modifications of the recommended Sacred Lomi draping method are possible, but any modifications will prevent the ability to perform certain strokes, movements and session closing process.  It is necessary that no undergarments be worn – if underwear is worn it is very likely that it will be damaged from oil staining.  During the actual massage, the preferred draping method uses a towel that will always be covering the gluteal cleavage and genital area.  The genital area is never exposed.  As an alternative option, the full draping sheet can be folded down and used for covering the genital area / gluteal cleavage but it will need to be folded to a fairly thin strip positioned between the legs. 

It is recommended that no breast draping be used.  If breast draping is used, it consists of a towel folded into a strip and placed over the breasts; it is folded up at the sides so that the sides of the upper body are accessible. Most people experiencing a Sacred Lomi session choose the option to not have any breast draping.  This choice allows for a much more complete session and utilization of several very beneficial traditional strokes and clear access to the sternum area (the Heart Chakra). 

The preferred leg placement is also different in this style of massage.  Optimal placement positions the legs so that the feet are at the edge of each side of the table.  This allows access for a variety of leg strokes and techniques.  Legs can be placed more center-line to the table, but this limits the effectiveness of the strokes and may prevent certain strokes from being utilized.  Regardless of leg placement, the genital area is never exposed or touched.  The client’s draping choices will be held in the strictest confidence and will need to be indicated on an informed consent before the session begins.

As with many holistic sessions, some people may experience emotional releases during this type of session. This is perfectly normal if it were to occur.  It is suggested to not suppress any emotion and just let it surface; be fully present, let go of worries or concerns.  I believe this is why some people find the session personally uplifting and spiritual in nature - almost cathartic.  The session will continue to progress even if emotional releases occur - of course, if you need a moment to yourself; let the practitioner know and they will respect your wishes. Generally, it’s best to just let the massage unfold on its own.

Will therapeutic hypnosis work for__________?

I have been getting a lot of calls asking about the effectiveness and applicability of hypnosis for a variety of issues. Generally speaking, therapeutic (or clinical) hypnosis is simply a tool that can be used for a variety of issues or targeted goals. A simple answer is - hypnosis can help almost anything with almost any type of an issue or goal. That is a pretty broad statement. But, if increased focus or attention, relaxation, mindfulness, insight, or clarity can help with an issue - then hypnosis can help with the issue. Based on the therapeutic goals of the client hypnosis can help a person achieve    those goals quicker and easier in almost all cases.

Almost everyone can by hypnotized to some degree. The state of hypnosis is not static. When a client is in a hypnotic state, they move in and out of that state. Sometimes very deep, sometimes not as deep. This variation is understandably different between different people, but it is also a variation that occurs within the same person; even within the same session. Just as your conscious awareness changes, so does your subconscious awareness shift.

Even people who are less prone to go into deep hypnotic states can, and do, learn to go deeper and quicker over time, just like any other learned skill. Additionally, the depth of hypnosis is not necessarily related to the success of hypnosis. Often times, the subtle state between awareness and subconscious is a very powerful time for hypnotic work to take effect.

I will address another question: "Can you do hypnosis on my _____ year old son or daughter?" in an upcoming post. 

See our web site link for more information about hypnosis.